As Psychologist Dr Albert Ellis calls it, stop ‘must-urbating’ with ourselves, and ‘should-ing’ on others.
Expectations are our strong beliefs of what must or should happen from our interactions with the world.
They shape our perceptions of events and people, leading to disappointment when reality falls short of what we desire.
Our relationships are largely influenced by exchanges of such expectations, which come in 2 primary forms.
𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐬:
We MUST keep pace with others
→ we feel disappointed when we can’t achieve the same.
𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬:
Others SHOULD act like us
→ we feel frustrated when they don’t exhibit the same values and behaviours.
One of our most challenging relationships influenced by expectations is the one with our bosses.
In the past 2 weeks, 3 people I worked with presented a similar challenge from their workplace:
‘My boss is terrible and it’s frustrating! He/she is not acting like how a leader should.
While I am doing XYZ for my team, my boss contributes nothing besides managing up! This creates tension in our relationship’.
So it was fitting that I attended a workshop last Saturday to study how our expectations impact our relationships as part of my Transformational Life Coaching certification.
𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐞’𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰:
Expectations shape our perceptions. 😐
They influence our behaviours, often triggered by emotions.
This affects the context and roles in the relationship through our actions.
When you feel disappointed with others …
𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐞’𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐝𝐨:
Ask yourself:
→ How are your expectations helping you in this situation
→ Reflect on where your expectations of others come from
→ Are they realistic given the other person’s context
→ How are they affecting your well-being
→ How can you adjust your expectations
→ What would detaching bring
===
When we are too caught up in our expectations,
it stops us from making decisions that are best for our well-being.
By learning to adjust our expectations and focusing on what we can control, we free ourselves from relying on others’ actions for our happiness. 💓
“Our happiness grows in direct proportion to our acceptance,
and in inverse proportions to our expectations.” – Anonymous
📌 So, what would you do differently FOR YOUR HAPPINESS today?
