Category: Mindset

I enjoy making new connections during webinars.

Last week, I met June, a Singaporean who migrated to Australia, in a webinar breakout session.

Her new life in Perth has been nothing short of an adventure.

At age 56, she lived to tell the tales of her 2 ‘impossible’ from her bucket list – bungee jumping and skydiving!

As someone petrified of heights, her courage intrigued me.
Just as how her stories surprised me.

June recalled how she spent weeks preparing for the bungee jump – researching, preparing, and rehearsing her jump mentally.

As the date drew nearer, her thoughts of backing out got louder.

“I kept having visions the rope might snap … and what if I got myself killed in the process? I questioned, do I REALLY want to do this at 56?”.

On D-day, she froze on the platform.
It took her more than an hour to finally leap.

By contrast, she was glowing when detailing her skydiving experience.

“Wasn’t skydiving a lot scarier?” I questioned.

“No, I enjoyed it more! My instructor had done hundreds of jumps.
I felt safe with him”, she explained.

Here’s what struck me:

⏩ When she trusted the process, June turned doubts into thrills.

From doubting..
‘do I REALLY want this’ → savoring her experience
whether her ropes might snap → trusting her instructor
whether she would hurt herself → assurance of having a guide

I resonated with June’s stories.

I had my ‘standing on a bungee platform’ moments each time I changed roles in my career.

I felt the same when I transitioned from my corporate career into coaching – the “What ifs.”

What if I fail?
What if this is a mistake?
What if I have to return to corporate looking silly?

After several ‘career bungee jumps’, I began to recognize these doubts are just part of our human response.

They are not real.

If you’re going through a transition and feeling unsure,
instead of doubting yourself → 𝗱𝗼𝘂𝗯𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗱𝗼𝘂𝗯𝘁𝘀.

Recognize them as protective instincts, not your limits.

Talk to someone who’s taken a similar leap and give yourself a chance for a new perspective.

Ready to cross out your bucket list?

Do you know …

Nike’s “Just Do It” slogan was inspired by the final words of Gary Gilmore, a convicted murderer who was executed in Utah in 1977.

Dan Wieden, co-founder of the advertising firm that created the slogan,
was inspired by Gilmore’s final words,

“You know, let’s do it”. And the rest is history.

But is it REALLY simply – Just Do It?

When I started posting on LinkedIn last Nov, I felt miserable.
Every post was a 3 to 5 hour struggle.

My pain wasn’t just about content creation.
It was the conflict between wanting to introduce myself as a new coach and the pull back of doing it an introvert.

This friction led to inconsistent effort and procrastination.

Did you also have these moments?

When you hesitated…
When you couldn’t simply – Just Do It.

So what stopped you?
What did you want?
How did you feel?

Often times, we get stuck by the frustration of what we want and how we feel about ourselves.

Understanding this deep lying conflict will empower you to take the right actions – FOR YOU.

𝗗𝗼𝗻’𝘁 – 𝗝𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗗𝗼 𝗜𝘁.

After more than 100 coaching conversations, I came to realise we are our biggest barriers.

We are often our harshest critics, putting ourselves down before anybody else.

When I asked my coachees,
“What’s really standing in your way and the results you want?”

I often hear, “I CAN’T … because [reasons]’.

– A high potential manager avoided promotion because “I CAN’T lead”
– A team leader shunned tough conversations because “I CAN’T manage”
– A mid-career executive rejected an overseas role because ” I CAN’T adapt”

It is not their lack of knowledge or ability.
It is their BELIEF that they can’t.

This is why I am passionate about supporting others to own their ‘I CAN’.

‘I CAN’ is the mindset of truly believing in our ability to learn, adapt and grow.

It is a process that requires a critical mindset shift –
to get your harshest critic to start trusting.

That’s YOU.

This requires beyond shouting “I CAN’ in front of your bathroom mirror.

Your transformation from ‘I CAN’T’ to ‘I CAN’ requires you to

⏩ 𝗪𝗮𝗻𝘁 – the desire to own what you said you wanted, badly.
⏩ 𝗟𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻 – the commitment to face the discomfort of growth.
⏩ 𝗧𝗿𝘆 – the courage to put words into action.

This is not just fancy Growth Mindset theory.

📌 It is THE mindset that turned me from a ‘no hope student’ to having a fulfilling career and now as a Coach.

And I’ve seen how an ‘I CAN’ mindset changed the results for my clients in their business and life.

The reason I am sharing this is because …

𝗩𝗶𝘀𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀,

If starting today,
your response to every challenge is ‘I CAN’ instead of ‘I CAN’T’.

– How would you feel?
– What would you achieve?
– What career and life opportunities do you see now?

This is not toxic positivity or blind optimism.

It is trusting yourself to create the results you want.

Psychologist Thomas Curran explained perfectionism is not the quest of perfecting a task.
It is an act of covering up the ‘perceived imperfection’ in ourselves.

I have never regarded myself as a perfectionist.
It came as a surprise when perfectionism emerged as my chief saboteur when I took a self-assessment test developed by Positive Intelligence (PQ, link in comments) recently.

As I reflect on my results, I can see truth in it.

My fixation on getting things 𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩.
My tendency to self-judge when I fail to meet 𝙢𝙮 𝙚𝙭𝙥𝙚𝙘𝙩𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨.
My habit of pushing myself even harder for 𝙡𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙢𝙮𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛 𝙙𝙤𝙬𝙣.

This haunting feeling of ‘𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙚𝙣𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝’ has continued to weigh down on my shoulders subconsciously.

I should know.

The perfectionist in me took up to 5 hours to draft 1 LinkedIn post when I started posting this February.

I wasted considerable time over-thinking and over-tinkering.
I undermined my self-confidence, mistaken fulfilment lies in perfection.

𝗕𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗶𝘀𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗳𝗹𝗮𝘄𝗲𝗱.
The first step to harness perfectionism is to acknowledge its existence in us.

The desire to be better has given me the strength to strive.
It has empowered me to overcome the ‘impossible’ in my life.
It fuels my motivation towards lifelong learning and personal growth.

Recognizing my perfectionist traits has allowed me to be self-compassionate.

Instead of being frustrated with myself, I learned to understand the origins of my habits. This has given me the confidence to be less than perfect.

We can achieve more and find joy when we choose to put down our baggage. 🌟

We can find peace when we recognize no one is judging us other than ourselves. 🌟

⏩ PS: Would you put down your baggage?

Most of us recognize the transformative power of having a growth mindset.

Does having a growth mindset stop us from going down the slippery slope of a fixed mindset again?😬

Last Thursday, I had an interesting conversation with an ex-classmate over dinner.

When I updated Wendy about my current work as a growth mindset coach, she went, “𝘢𝘩! 𝘏𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘮𝘦 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘳𝘪𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘦𝘢𝘬 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘴𝘦𝘵”.

“𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧-𝘥𝘰𝘶𝘣𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘤𝘳𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯.” 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘥.

Everyone experiences doubts and anxiety.

But we can learn to manage them better.

Here’s what I learned.

5 lessons you may consider to shift towards a growth mindset.

✨ 𝗠𝗶𝗻𝗱𝘀𝗲𝘁 𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗳𝘁𝘀 𝗱𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗲𝗻 𝗶𝗻 𝟭 𝗾𝘂𝗮𝗻𝘁𝘂𝗺 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗽.
Make progressive changes.
Every small change = many small wins!
This rewards your brain to work harder to adopt new habits over time (neuroplasticity).

✨ 𝗜𝗳 𝗬𝗢𝗨 𝗱𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗯𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗲𝘃𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳, 𝗻𝗼 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱.
Your mindset influences your life.
Start by tracking 3 tasks that you accomplished each day and see your confidence grows.

✨𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻:
As my mum taught me, 𝘦𝘧𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯 = ̶‘I̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶’t̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶’.̶
Your aptitude for learning is your ONLY KEY to becoming your best self.

✨ 𝗠𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗺𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗲𝘀 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁:
Everyone makes mistakes!
There is no failure from trying new things and learning. Ask ‘𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘛𝘏𝘌 1 𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦?’ They are meant to show you the way forward.

✨𝗧𝗿𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝙔𝙤𝙪!
YOU must first learn to trust 𝘺𝘰𝘶, before others can trust 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 100%.
Recognize times when 𝘺𝘰𝘶 showed up and take responsibility.
Be THE source to inspire others’ trust in you.

Our mindset exists on a spectrum instead of a binary trait. 🌟

In her book ‘Mindset’, Dr Carol Dweck PhD explained that we will experience both fixed and growth mindset tendencies in different situations. 👁️‍🗨️

This is how your brain is hardwired to keep you safe from unfamiliar situations or perceived risks.

Through self-awareness and consistent effort, you can shift from a fixed mindset towards a more predominant growth mindset over time.

While you can’t change your mindset completely, you can make the shift. 🚀


⏩PS: How did you shift your mindset? Share your success!

Last November was the mid-term of my 6 months Professional Coaching Certification program.

It was a special milestone that I looked forward to. A timely opportunity to measure my development and competency as a coach.

The 2-day mid-term workshop was packed with practice drills. I started the workshop feeling confident.

As the drills progressed, my confidence started to dip. I was called out for gaps in my listening and questioning techniques.
The foundational skills of a coach.

By the end of 2 days, it became clear I was not as competent as I had 𝙚𝙭𝙥𝙚𝙘𝙩𝙚𝙙 of myself. I began to see I was not as good as I 𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙.
To realise I was 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙚𝙣𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝 struck me hard. Very hard.

A voice in my head questioned ‘𝘈𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘭, 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘤𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴? I had let myself down.

My mind space was completely clouded in doubts the following week.
I couldn’t coach. Neither did I want to.

That Friday, I presented my issue as a ‘𝘤𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘵’ during a team practice session.

A peer coach asked ‘𝘞𝘩𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 (𝘮𝘺) 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴?’

It came across as a redundant question.
‘𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘥’, I answered as a matter of fact.

Somehow, her question stayed in my mind that night.
Now, ‘𝙒𝙃𝙊’ sets those expectations, I pondered.

I finally understood 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙦𝙪𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 by the next morning.
In that instance, everything made sense!

It became clear my parents’ expectations of me as a child had stayed with me. It has shaped my self-expectations to this day.

This new clarity showed me where my self-judgement came from.
It gave me control to change my narrative.
That I don’t have to prove my worth to anyone.
Not least, to 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙫𝙤𝙞𝙘𝙚 in my head.

This realisation changed my perspective about my self-doubts. I became less afraid and learned to appreciate that they exist for a reason. 🔆

In my case, it was protecting me from the stress I experienced as a child from not meeting others’ expectations.

I shifted from being deflated to gaining control of my negative self-narratives. 🚀

Fast forward 4 months.
It was pleasing when a master coach commented last week that I had improved by leaps since the mid-term workshop.

𝗞𝗲𝘆 𝗧𝗮𝗸𝗲𝗮𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀

Self-doubting is normal. Everyone experienced it at some point.
It doesn’t mean you are weak.

Recognise this voice is 𝗡𝗢𝗧 you. ❎
When 𝗬𝗢𝗨 detach from it, you gain the power of control.

Our narratives give colour to our lives. 🌈
When you understand yourself better, you start to give your best self to the people around you. 🙌

PS: What 𝙢𝙚𝙖𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜 can you attach to your doubts? ⬇

Your dreams are worth the effort, even when no one is cheering.

Here’s why.

This week, I had coaching sessions with 3 different clients. Each is a young executive in their 30s with big dreams. To build their business as a solopreneur or to become the leader they aspire to be.

One recurring theme emerged.

” 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳”

“𝘐 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘯𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘶𝘭𝘵𝘴. 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦.”

As we brace ourselves for “𝘚𝘸𝘪𝘧𝘵𝘪𝘦𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘢” sweeping across Singapore starting this weekend, I was reminded that every success began with a humble beginning that no one seemed to care about. Even if you are Taylor Swift.

For anyone who is pursuing your dreams in building, creating, improving or learning something new…

This is for you. 𝗞𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝗯𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴! 🙌

💡
“𝘒𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘯𝘰 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘷𝘦𝘭 𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘥.” – Unknown

𝗣𝗦: 𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂? 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗱𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗱𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺𝘀?
Tell us in comment. ⬇

Research suggests the average adult spends 4 hours a day in self-talk.
That’s 25% of our waking hours each day!

Sounds familiar?

📢 Yes, this is the little voice in our heads that yells for our attention all day.

The same voice with an opinion on our experiences, decisions, and events in our lives.

These ‘𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙞𝙛𝙨’, ‘𝙄 𝙘𝙖𝙣’𝙩’, ‘𝙄’𝙢 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙮’ 𝙤𝙧 ‘𝙄 𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 ’ statements we repeatedly tell ourselves can shape our beliefs and affect our confidence.

Over time, we feel overwhelmed by these repeated playbacks of the worst outcomes, our fears and past mistakes.

This can lead to self-sabotaging habits such as chasing perfection, self-judgement, procrastination and the fear of starting something new.

𝗦𝗼 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗱𝗼𝗲𝘀 𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗹𝗲 𝘃𝗼𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝗴𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲? 😶

The first step is to recognize our thought patterns.

If you are …

→  in constant negative thoughts about past mistakes
→  having overwhelmingly negative self-talk
→  frequently distracted by your thoughts
→  stuck in a loop of overthinking
→  avoiding new tasks

But our self-talk isn’t necessarily always negative.

We can turn this inner voice into a source of motivation to remind us of our strengths and encourage us to push through obstacles or uncertainties.

❇ Here’s how I can help when you are ready:

Creating personalized reframing strategies that:

transform your self-talk from a voice that drains you
→ to a force that empowers you with confidence.

===

Our self-talk is the most important narrative in our lives.

When we control our narratives, we can control our lives.

And yes, you can. 🙌

As Psychologist Dr Albert Ellis calls it, stop ‘must-urbating’ with ourselves, and ‘should-ing’ on others.

Expectations are our strong beliefs of what must or should happen from our interactions with the world.

They shape our perceptions of events and people, leading to disappointment when reality falls short of what we desire.

Our relationships are largely influenced by exchanges of such expectations, which come in 2 primary forms.

𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐬:

We MUST keep pace with others
→ we feel disappointed when we can’t achieve the same.

𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬:

Others SHOULD act like us
→ we feel frustrated when they don’t exhibit the same values and behaviours.

One of our most challenging relationships influenced by expectations is the one with our bosses.

In the past 2 weeks, 3 people I worked with presented a similar challenge from their workplace:

‘My boss is terrible and it’s frustrating! He/she is not acting like how a leader should.
While I am doing XYZ for my team, my boss contributes nothing besides managing up! This creates tension in our relationship’.

So it was fitting that I attended a workshop last Saturday to study how our expectations impact our relationships as part of my Transformational Life Coaching certification.

𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐞’𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰:

Expectations shape our perceptions. 😐
They influence our behaviours, often triggered by emotions.
This affects the context and roles in the relationship through our actions.

When you feel disappointed with others …

𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐞’𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐝𝐨:

Ask yourself:
→ How are your expectations helping you in this situation
→ Reflect on where your expectations of others come from
→ Are they realistic given the other person’s context
→ How are they affecting your well-being
→ How can you adjust your expectations
→ What would detaching bring

===

When we are too caught up in our expectations,
it stops us from making decisions that are best for our well-being.

By learning to adjust our expectations and focusing on what we can control, we free ourselves from relying on others’ actions for our happiness. 💓

“Our happiness grows in direct proportion to our acceptance,
and in inverse proportions to our expectations.” – Anonymous

📌 So, what would you do differently FOR YOUR HAPPINESS today?